Expectations Leave Us Wanting

         How did I re-discover that researchedly passionate person in myself only a short time after the ‘essential’ formative school years were through with me? It has a lot to do with my strong willed,  down to Earth, and out right honest-or as my mom would call me tactless and stubborn- character. Though she’s not not completely wrong in her choice of words, it’s part of a common misinterpretation that parents make of their children when they choose to ignore what’s right in front of them, the true reasons why children and especially teens “act out” or “rebel”. They’re lives are predetermined, overscheduled (that’s what happens when schedules are involved at any point), they’re restricted, repressed, confined, pushed to compete, passed off to to the television, and not at all the least, punished by rewards. Our parents, if we were the “luckier” kids in comparison (well truthfully it all depends on what your sprit is really here for)  could sing us praise and push us with determination to succeed at anything, and usually something in particular, whatever succeed even means.

Our goals are always changing, more commonly increasing in size than anything else, and nothing is ever enough.  So be it. Many  of us have noticed this, but most of us ignore it, forget it, think it doesn’t apply to us, or some combination of the three. Forcing what we call goals on someone else, especially a young someone who you care so much for is exactly the way to get the results you don’t want, if, and I amassuming here, you are one of those parents or potential parents (even partner, friend, son or daughter, anyone in a relationship applies here to an extent, though it is much more obvious and with greater impact from a parent to a child) who wants some fundamental attributes to make up the other person, attributes like, caring and compassionate with others and herself, being thoughtful and aware, and being healthy and happy.  If you are someone who wants these things of and for your child, by pushing anything on her, even presenting things to a certain degree, does just that, it internalizes in her and then manifests as a ‘wanting’, as a  child who has been pushed and presented to rather than a child who ‘IS’, a child who remembered her true self willingly and lovingly and who chooses for herself, and more often than not looks within herself to do so. Wanting something in particular for her other than to love and be loved is unrealistic, and hindersome.  

           The words my mother uses to describe me, tactless and stubborn, they somewhat applied at one point in my life, and since that was during  the vast majority of the time in our lives when we lived in the same house, and thus spent the most time seeing eachothers’ characters, I accept that she still mostly sees me that way, and I choose not to let it affect me too much, or our relationship. It’s a result of the dramatic outlash that sometimes comes with a rebellious teenhood, and affects and reflects her as much as me. This is not placing fault on anyone. Our culture and society as a whole have been building for thousands of years, and for one family to over come it would truly be something. No, what I wish to convey here, is the authoritative attitude and lack of responsability we all take when it comes to our children especially. My mother would not likely today be describing me with such words if things had been different, and probably more importantly, they would not even have come close to applying to me. When I say that those words ‘somewhat’ applied to me, I mean that they did, but only because I was confined, and made to feel ‘un safe’ emotionally to be who I really am, I didn’t even know who that was,  but we saw glimpses, through the anger I took on because I was not allowed freedom in the greatest sense of the word, we saw a stubborn and tactless girl, when we could have experienced her as a brave and honest being. When we are truthful and strong to the core of our being, like I now know myself to be, but are formed (attempted rather) to be other things like appropriate or athletic or atheist to name a few, it makes it unneceassarily difficult to remember who you really are, and the suffering takes over. What the truth of the matter is, is that my being, our beings, our childrens beings are repressed, forgotten, and looked upon in haste and in trepid if at all.
           
          As we are all one, a collective consciousness, it doesn’t serve us the way our lives could to care for children and fellow beings this way. If we act out of love and as pure parents, pure beings, rather than acting through our expectations of each other and of ourselves , we wouldn’t be coming to the point of rebellion, of labelling each other as such and such a type of person, we would just be.  If we just be with our selves, with our children, with eachother, then we can be close to being one, we can focus on truth and love, on just being, peaceful and pure.

Beautiful Books: A Bilbliography To Believe In

This is a list of books that have truly influenced our lives. There are links on the Loving Links page that have much to do with these books, and are sometimes based on them or are the author(s)’ site.
Descriptions, authors(s)’ names/book titles, and reviews will soon be posted.

Almost anything by: John Holt, Osho, Eckhart Tolle, Ina May Gaskin, Don Miguel Ruiz, Deepak Chopra

Books (also in no particular order):

The Continuum Concept

TCC2

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No Contest
Unconditional Parenting
Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue
Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television
The Plug-In Drug
Lotus Birth
Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene
Adventures in Tandem Nursing
Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves
The Self Respecting Child
Life Learning: Lessons From the Educational Frontier